Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Sober January is a disaster.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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