Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
