I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I wish life had little blips of pornography
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Is it penis luge time yet?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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