alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
