I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
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