Already got asked if we're dating
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i think i have herpe
just one?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Randomize
