The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
