evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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