I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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