watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
