I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
