so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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