So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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