Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
