i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
