she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
