I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
