Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
