remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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