he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I cannot find my penis.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
it glows. i had to have it.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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