he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
