3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
