i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
