Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
