she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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