You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
