ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
