That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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