and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
