we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
