You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
