First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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