Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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