1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
