If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Someone signed my nipple.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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