Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
