Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
