Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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