Your dad touched me again.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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