I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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