i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
