Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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