Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
