People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
