I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
