brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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