3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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