Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
