3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
