so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
