The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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