Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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