she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
