I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
