I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
